Grandfather who spent weeks 'planning suicide' says charity helped turn life around

Sam told ITV Granada Reports he had begun saying goodbye to his friends 'in his own way' as he planned his suicide.

• Helplines for those worried about their mental health, or of someone they know, are available at the bottom of this article.

A grandfather-of-two has revealed how he spent weeks planning his suicide but was brought back from the brink by finally admitting to others how he was truly feeling.

Sam Samuel, 57, from Oldham, said when he had made the decision to take his own life, his mood lifted, and he said goodbye to his friends "in his own way".

But, it was a night at Andy's Man Club, a therapy group where men of all ages from different backgrounds, get together and talk about their experiences, which was the turning point.

For many years, Sam had struggled with depression that went undiagnosed.

He was moody, self-absorbed and "just didn’t care", but recognising the issue, Sam went to his GP: "I told him ‘I can’t cope with this. I can’t cope with feeling like this. I can’t cope with the emptiness’.

"My life was just a blur. I didn’t want to die, but I didn’t want to live either."

Sam was prescribed medication and he joined a local branch of Andy’s Man Club.

Sam said: "The mantra of Andy’s Man Club is 'it’s okay to talk'. Talking is something that men don’t do and finding a place where you could talk so freely was thoroughly refreshing."

But Sam said he was just "going through the motions" at the meetings, as unbeknown to the rest of the group was planning his suicide.

"I spent three or four weeks saying goodbye to people in my own way. I'd planned a time, a place, a method," he said.

"My mood lifted straight away, once I knew that this was the path I was going to take, but then one Monday night at an Andy's meeting, I was passed the ball, which meant it was my turn to talk."

Sam continued: "Something happened, I don't know what it was, but I looked down at this ball. I told the guys what I was planning. I cried and cried and cried.

"The guys were absolutely magnificent, and we went from Andy’s to a late-night café and they stayed with me and we talked and drank coffee after coffee.

"There’s a closeness that I’ve got with a few of those guys that I can never explain."

This was when Sam began to get himself better. Initially filling his days with his hobby of photography, he returned to work as an IT Manager for Oldham Council.

Now, he is a Mental Health First Aider, listening to colleagues and delivering talks at work.

He has also recently trained as a Samaritans volunteer listener, and says Andy’s Man Club has become a huge part of his life.

"I got more and more involved and now I lead the Oldham group," he said. "It’s so nice to be able to say, 'You know what? I've been there mate. I’ve been there'.

"My life now? It couldn’t be better. I actually like myself now. And at 57 years old, it’s taken all this time to like myself, but I do and I’m not ashamed to say it."

Andrea Newton is also sharing her story of hope as part of Greater Manchester’s Shining a Light on Suicide campaign to raise awareness of being suicide bereaved and give hope to those struggling with suicidal thoughts.

With her flame coloured hair and outgoing manner, Andrea said: "When people meet me for the first time, they tend to think that I’m very confident, extrovert and outgoing.

"There have been occasions where I’ve been described as a gobby Northern bird."

But underneath that persona is a thoughtful and quiet woman, who at one point didn't want to live anymore.

A mother of one grown up son, who was dealing with certain circumstances in life, and also struggling with being perimenopausal, she got to a point where she could no longer keep up the pretence that everything was okay.

Andrea says following a divorce she was left with no money and ended up homeless for three months. She said was at rock bottom and intended to end her life to end the pain she was in.

Worrying what might happened to her dog if she took her own life prompted her to seek help and she called Samaritans, and a kind voice at the end of the phone gave her the chance to speak about how she was really feeling.

Andrea explains: "That conversation was the start of the climb back up. I made a promise to the universe that if I made it through that living hell, I would use what I had learned to help other people.

"I would use my past to make other people’s futures more positive."

Andrea has now qualified as a suicide intervention tutor and is working with workplaces to help people have more confident conversations and talk more openly about mental health and suicidal feelings.

She said: "Over the past few years there has been a lot of coverage of male suicide because statistically in the UK men represent the greatest number of deaths by suicide.

"However, what we don't count and what we don't have statistics for, is the number of women who attempt, and what we know is twice as many women will attempt suicide.

"I know that Granada has given coverage to the Three Dads Walking, where their three young daughters took their own lives, and it's really important that we recognise that women are as much at risk as men.

"The most significant rise in recent times has been young women.

"We're also learning a lot more about the menopause and the impact that hormones can have, and actually, for a perimenopausal woman the risk of suicidal thoughts can increase by a factor of seven.

"This isn't just a 'man thing', this is a 'people thing', and any of us could be affected."