National Fertility Week: Mum on 20th round of IVF 'will keep fighting' to give baby a sibling

• By ITV Wales Production Journalist Annabel Smith

A mum on her twentieth round of IVF has shared her story as she tries to get pregnant with a sibling for her miracle baby.

When Kirsten Tuchli-Grainger married former rugby player Simon Grainger in in 2013, she presumed children would follow suit shortly after.

Speaking of that time, she said: "I tried to get pregnant for two years and really was a bit ashamed because I was frightened, because I didn't know why I wasn't getting pregnant."

The first step on a fertility journey is to try and identify what the root causes of any difficulties are.

Kirsten and her husband had a number of tests which all came back 'perfectly normal', and so they were diagnosed with something called unexplained fertility.

According to the NHS, unexplained infertility accounts for around one in four cases of infertility. This is when no cause can be identified in either partner.

At the age of 38, Kirsten was running out of time to receive free IVF treatment on the Welsh NHS.

She explained: "The NHS is great for medical emergencies. I often say this, but they don't recognise infertility as an illness.

"Everything was long-winded with the NHS and lots of protocols and things, so we decided from there that I would go private."

When asked about this, a Welsh Government spokesperson said, “We understand the anxiety and stress people undergoing fertility treatments can experience. 

"The Welsh Health Specialised Services Committee (WHSSC) commissions specialist fertility services on behalf of the NHS.”

Having just turned 39, Kirsten and her husband started their first round of IVF at a private clinic in Wales.

"I was overwhelmed with my first round of IVF with all that you have to do - the measuring of drugs and taking your own injections - it's a minefield," she said.

Unfortunately, Kirsten administered the trigger shot (a drug used to prime the eggs before retrieval) incorrectly, which resulted in a failure.

"I was devastated because I felt really stupid... it was it was really difficult because it's such a new thing and you feel so stupid doing it. But I learnt for the next round."

As Kirsten reflected on those first few times experiencing failed rounds of IVF, she said she felt very emotional: "The hormones were all over the place. Sometimes you felt erratic, and you felt very tearful, and other times you felt fine."

But it was her family, friends and loving husband who helped Kirsten through her down days.

"I had a brilliant support network - in work, my best friends, my family - they were all on this journey with me."

And on her ninth round of IVF, Kirsten managed to fall pregnant.

This time, she said she could not believe it: "I'd waited so long and I'm very open and honest about my journey, everybody knew what I was doing, so I told everybody."

Sadly, after five weeks of being pregnant, Kirsten was found to have suffered an early miscarriage, also known as a bio-chemical miscarriage.

'That was the turning point'

"That was the turning point for me because that's when I thought I need to seek alternative advice and I need to go to a different clinic," she said.

Despite feeling very loyal to the clinic she had been using in Wales, Kirsten felt like she was stuck.

Through a mutual friend, Kirsten was told about an assisted conception unit in Athens, Greece, called Embryogenesis. She decided to call them in September 2018 and has never looked back.

It was soon discovered that Kristen doesn't react well to the fertility drugs.

She said: "From the moment I spoke to him, it was a different story. I never reacted very well to the drugs at all.

"I used to have really bad egg quality when I was stimulating, which affected fertilisation and implantation in a way because when you become older, your egg quality diminishes.

"So when we went to Greece, we did two stimulated rounds, and the quality of the embryos weren't very good and before they even put them in, you know, they were telling me, 'You have got very little chance here'.

"So they then decided after three rounds to do a biopsy, which they don't do in this country."

A biopsy was taken from a layer of Kirsten's uterus for testing to check the implantation window, and to check if there was any infection.

"In the interim period, they then decided to do what we call a natural cycle, which I never even knew existed in the UK - it was never given to me as an option," she explained.

This 'natural' method uses fewer drugs and involves waiting until Kirsten naturally ovulates, as opposed to the 'conventional' method, which uses various fertility drugs to shut the menstrual cycle down before re-starting it again, and then using stimulating drugs to grow follicles.

Unfortunately, the biopsy results had at this point identified a severe infection in the endometrial lining, which can prevent implantation occurring.

She was then given antibiotics and told to wait a month. After completing her treatments, Kirsten finally fell pregnant.

She said: "I did my pregnancy test 7 October 2019 and it was positive.

"It was a brilliant pregnancy. No problem at all. Even though I was classed as geriatric, because I was 43."

After seventeen rounds of IVF, Kirsten's bundle of joy Kobe was born on 4 June 2020 by C section at the University Hospital of Wales.

She recalls: "It was such an emotional day for everybody and the clinic in Greece. So it was great."

Almost seventeen months since giving birth, Kirsten is now on her twentieth round of IVF, as she tries to get pregnant with her second child.

"I will keep fighting, you know, and Kobe deserves a sibling. It's very important to me."

Kirsten plans to go back to the clinic in Greece in both November and December to try and get an embryo to freeze and then hopefully will return for implantation in January.

Reflecting on her journey, Kirsten said: "Positive mental attitude is everything.

"When I first started, I was a different person to what I am now. My whole attitude was different towards it, because I was very much feeling sorry for myself. But in the end, it became a fight."

She feels that believing you will be a mother is the key to achieving your dreams of becoming a parent: "Remain positive, always believe that you're going to be a mum."

"IVF is an emotional roller coaster. When you sign up for this journey, buckle up, because it's going to be a bumpy road. And, there are lots of turns and dips along the way.

"But being in a strong relationship is equally important. Lots of IVF couples actually break up with the stress of IVF, it's very common, and it does test your relationship.

"In my case, it made me and my husband a lot closer, because he was equally as determined as I was. And after every failed round, he was there to pick me up, as were my parents."