The New Statesman

Don't miss Rik Mayall as the delightfully despicable Alan B'stard MP

Comedy

Rik Mayall is the delightfully despicable Alan B'stard in this biting political satire. 80s Britain: Tory MP Alan is on the edge of power, despite being a morally corrupt moron.

the-new-statesman

We meet Alan Beresford B'Stard, an unscrupulous young politico.

Happiness Is a Warm Gun

Meet Alan Beresford B'Stard, an unscrupulous young politico, who will stop at nothing to get elected to Parliament.

Alan's wife, Sarah, inherits a million pounds worth of shares.

Passport to Freedom

Alan's wife, Sarah, inherits a million pounds worth of shares, which enables her to fulfill her deepest wish - to leave Alan. But Alan B'Stard MP knows a politician needs a wife.

Alan realises that joining a moral crusade can be extremely profitable.

Sex Is Wrong

Alan realises that joining a moral crusade can be extremely profitable... with hilarious consequences.

Alan's dirty dealings (involving nuclear waste) catch up with him. 

Waste Not, Want Not

Alan's dirty dealings catch up with him. Years ago he accepted cash to get rid of a lorryload of nuclear waste, now he learns the garage storing it is earmarked for demolition!

Alan organises a parliamentary fact-finding expedition to a sun-kissed Caribbean island.

Friends of St James

Alan organises a parliamentary fact-finding expedition to a sun-kissed Caribbean island... whose only export seems to be the world's strongest marijuana!

Alan is booked to appear on TVAM to discuss an important by-election result.

Three Line Whipping

Alan is due to appear on TVAM to discuss a by-election result. Unfortunately, an all-night sitting in a house of ill-repute means he has no idea about the election result.

Alan's hateful father-in-law, Roland Gidleigh-Park, threatens Alan.

Baa Baa Black Sheep

Alan's hateful father in law threatens to have him thrown out of his seat unless he starts pulling his weight in the constituency. Can a millionaire from Dallas help save him?

Alan falls foul of fellow panelist Georgina Pitt, militant leader of Hackney Council.

Fatal Extraction

During a television debate Alan, Member for Haltemprice, falls foul of fellow panelist Georgina Pitt, militant leader of Hackney Council.

Television cameras are introduced into the House of Commons.

Live From Westminster

Parliament has gone primetime with the introduction of TV cameras into the Commons. However, it proves to be little more than an outrageous scripted soap opera, thanks Alan.

To improve the minds of the young, B'Stard forms a young ladies' Recreational Association.

A Wapping Conspiracy

Always eager to help improve the minds of the young, especially the mind of a very attractive Girl Guide, Alan B'Stard MP forms the young ladies' Recreational Association.

B'Stard refuses to sign a petition to rid Britain of German War criminals.

The Haltemprice Bunker

Thrusting his way through the lobby of anti-Nazi protestors, B'Stard refuses point blank to sign their petition supporting moves to rid Britain of German War criminals.

Parliament's man of the moment, Alan B'Stard, flies to California

California Here I Come

When parliament's man of the moment, Alan B'Stard, flies to California, he finds it's not just a common language that divides Britain and America. 

Piers announces he is getting married to someone who won't let Alan kick him around.

May the Best Man Win

When Piers announces he is getting married to someone who won't let Alan B'Stard kick him around anymore, Alan sets about sabotaging the happy day.

Alan B'Stard is holding a surgery in his hometown of Haltemprice.

Piers of the Realm

It must be a blue moon because Alan is holding a surgery in his hometown of Haltemprice. However, his constituents are made to pay for the pleasure in hard cash.

Alan B'Stard's reputation as the most right-wing Tory MP in the House is under threat.

Labour of Love

Alan's reputation as the most right-wing Tory MP in the House is under threat. How will the New Statesman demolish the young pretender to his political crown?

Alan B'Stard is made Deputy Tory Party Chairman to help with the election campaign.

The Party's Over

Major is securely belted in the driving seat of the Tory machine but despite the new leadership, Conservative fortunes are flagging.

Alan B'Stard is branded an animal hater across the front pages of the tabloid press.

Let Them Sniff Cake

Following his riotous TV appearance in Balance, a serious discussion slot chaired by MENSA member Joan Bakewell,  Alan is branded an animal hater in the tabloid press.

Alan B'Stard faces a barrage of hostility in the House of Commons.

Keeping Mum

In the House of Commons conniving Tory Alan B'Stard faces a barrage of hostility from an Opposition outraged by his proposal for an amendment to the Social Security Bill.

B'Stard's scathing contempt for his Haltemprice constituents seriously backfires.

Natural Selection

During the annual cocktail party at his country residence, B'Stard's scathing contempt for his Haltemprice constituents seriously backfires.

Alan's USSR tour is to spread the gospel of Capitalism according to B'Stard.

Profit of Boom

The purpose of Alan's USSR tour is to spread the gospel of Capitalism according to B'Stard, as well as to acquire several thousand roubles by selling off video cassettes of his free-market sermons.

Alan is back and he is on the warpath after being abandoned.

Back From the Mort

Alan is on the warpath. Abandoned in the frozen wastes of a Siberian labour camp by spiteful spouse Sarah, he returns triumphantly to financial, political and marital disaster.

Alan B'Stard is somewhat put out to find himself indebted to his wife Sarah.

H*A*S*H

While Piers Fletcher-Dervish is dealing with the ins and outs of political life, Alan is somewhat put out to find himself indebted to his wife Sarah.

Brussels is a zoo, and it's getting on top of the new Commissioner for Internal Relations.

Speaking in Tongues

Brussels is a zoo, and it's getting on top of the new Commissioner for Internal Relations. Poor old Piers! Maybe that's why he relies on Alan's scheming to save his bacon. 

Alan B'Stard is more concerned with a potentially explosive plan he has up his sleeve.

Heil and Farewell

The Molotov cocktails may be raining down on refugee hostels in Germany, but Alan B'Stard is more concerned with a potentially explosive plan which he has up his sleeve.

The war-stricken Yugoslavia draws Alan there to help - help himself, that is.

A Bigger Splash

Alan doesn't balk at the Balkans. The war-stricken Yugoslavia draws Alan there to help - help himself, that is, to other people's money.

Alan decides to interfere with untaxed cash lying hidden in the Channel Islands.

The Irresistible Rise of Alan B' Stard

All hell breaks loose when Alan decides to interfere with the mountains of untaxed cash lying hidden in the Channel Islands.

Alan B'Stard finds himself in real danger after surviving a staged assassination attempt.

New Statesman Special: Who Shot Alan B'stard?

After surviving a carefully staged assassination attempt, Alan B'Stard finds himself in real danger for a change. His wife Sarah, bitterly disappointed at not becoming a wealthy widow, teams up with a journalist to expose B'Stard as the fraud he is.

The New Statesman

The New Statesman

Series 1

1. Happiness Is a Warm Gun

1. Happiness Is a Warm Gun

2. Passport to Freedom

2. Passport to Freedom

3. Sex Is Wrong

3. Sex Is Wrong

4. Waste Not, Want Not

4. Waste Not, Want Not

5. Friends of St James

5. Friends of St James

6. Three Line Whipping

6. Three Line Whipping

7. Baa Baa Black Sheep

7. Baa Baa Black Sheep