'I can't win this fight': Cricketing legend David 'Syd' Lawrence on accepting MND diagnosis

ITV News' Sabet Choudhury sat down with Syd Lawrence to talk about his diagnosis

Cricket legend David 'Syd' Lawrence has spoken out on coming to terms with the "complete shock" of being diagnosed with motor neurone disease.

The former Gloucestershire and England fast bowler was diagnosed with the condition in June following what he thought would be a straightforward operation on his knee.

He sat down with ITV News West Country presenter Sabet Choudhury to talk about the last six months and accepting that he cannot beat MND.

He said: "I think Rob Burrows said 'with this disease, you've got to be brave' - and you have got to be brave because it's bloody scary. It really is.

"You know this is the way you're going to die and it will get you at some stage.

"No matter how much of a warrior I am, I know that I can't win this fight. It will defeat me. All I can do is give a very good fight but I can't win, I know that, so you have to come to terms with that."

Casting his mind back to the diagnosis, Syd described how it was completely unexpected.

"I went in for a knee operation of that famous left knee and so we had knee replacements and after three months I noticed I wasn't recovering. And after four months, the other leg went.

"After all this time I was still on crutches and then it kind of spread to the rest of my body.

"By April I couldn't walk at all. So within the space of six months, I wasn't able to walk and then I ended up inside the hospital for three months for them to try and give me a diagnosis.

"Then by June, they told me the news which I wasn't expecting. It was a complete shock," he said.

He added that he felt "numb, like he was in a bad dream" and immediately thought about Rob Burrows.

"I suppose what scares me is that the quality of life I will have at the end. That's what I'm not looking forward to.

"This disease is cruel and it's towards the end when you haven't got the capacity to speak, to communicate and that side of it is not nice."

Syd has taken steps to ensure he feels as much like himself as possible, right until the end, by creating a voice bank that will allow a computer to speak for him - in his voice - when he loses his speech.

But he added that he is trying not to think about the future too much - "that'll just scramble your brain", he explained.

"You've got to be in the present and live in the moment and process it. It took me a long time to process it.

"I wouldn't say that I ever felt depressed because I don't think that is me, but you do feel like you have a bad day but you soon get over it with the support of your family and your friends.

"And once you process it, you've just got to get on with life as best you can and with the support of so many friends, it's been overwhelming."

Syd's diagnosis has also been a lot for his family and friends to take in, and learn to live with.

He said: "They've taken it tough. My wife, she's taken it really tough but we have to support each other and that's all you can do. And my son's been brilliant. He's been unbelievable."

Syd added that he had "always been a person with a positive mindset" and he was trying to carry that approach into this new phase of life.

"Don't beat yourself up about it. Just know that don't let it dictate your day if you have a bad morning, that means you're going to have a bad day.

"You have a bad morning, you bin it and you get on with the rest of your day, and don't let it ruin your day.

"I don't know how many days I've got, how many years I've got, you've got to enjoy it. You have to enjoy it as much as you can."

The cricketing legend recently attended T20 Finals Day and it was the first time many fans had seen him since his diagnosis.

He admitted: "I was really scared. I was wondering what would people think of me, being wheeled on in a chair? My son said 'pull yourself together Dad'"

"When they see me for the first time, a lot of people don't know what to say. It's a shock for them. I want to say 'I'm still the same old Syd inside. The outside may have changed, but I'm still the same old Syd'."

The former fast bowler went on to say that sometimes his his diagnosis would confuse and anger him.

"Mentally, my brain is still the same - it's not like dementia. I do sometimes think 'why me?'. My career was cut short by injury and now this. Why me? What did I do wrong?

"But, on the other side, I was blessed to have played cricket for my county and country and I'm blessed that I was able to go on and run the local nightclub for 25 years.

"My life has been great and I can't really look back and be too disappointed. The disease is cruel, but it is what it is, get on with it while you're here.

"When I see my granddaughter I'm happy, together with my wife and my son and his wife. I feel in a safe place. When I'm around my friends and I see what they're doing for me, I'm happy."