'A little part of me went with him': Bristol woman runs in memory of brother who died by suicide

Ella with her brother, Fred, who died in 2019. Credit: Ella Rothwell

A woman from Bristol is running six marathons in six days to raise money for mental health charity CALM after losing her "charming, gorgeous and funny" little brother Fred to suicide.

Ella Rothwell, 28, will complete 157 miles - leaving from Soho in London and finishing at Clifton Suspension Bridge on Saturday (25 September).

In 2019 Ella's younger brother, Fred, took his life at the age of 23.

He was “absolutely charming, gorgeous, funny” and “the life and soul of everyone’s party”, in the words of his older sister.

When he died, she said her "whole world went black."

"Anyone who has lost someone to suicide will know the feeling of complete helplessness, confusion, and indescribable pain that you experience. There had been no signs, no red flags that warned us this might happen. We never saw it coming.

"Like so many who lose loved ones to suicide, I will always wonder if there was anything I could have done, any signs I should have spotted."

Ella in her CALM charity top, which she'll wear for the 157-mile challenge. Credit: Ella Rothwell

Ella is taking on this massive feat to raise money for mental health charity CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably).

It supports people struggling with their mental health but also helps bereaved families who have lost a loved one to suicide.

  • You can call CALM's helpline on 0800 58 58 58

In 2020 almost 5,000 people in the UK died by suicide - three quarters of them were men.

Rates have decreased, but the harsh reality is that 115 people take their own lives every week in the UK - and suicide remains the single biggest killer of men under 45.

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Ella has witnessed this firsthand. In 2017, two years before losing Fred, her older brother Jack also tried to take his life.

“My brothers have been my best friends throughout my life," she said.

"There’s just no bond that can come close to what you have with your siblings, it’s like this giant invisible hug that’s with you constantly, keeping you safe and never letting you feel alone. This has always been the case, ever since we were little."

"There had been signs with Jack. He had been struggling with his mental health, insomnia and being away from home, and when he’d come back from working abroad it felt like we’d tried to wrap him up in bubble wrap to keep him safe as a family.

"Jack survived, and Fred and I were with him supporting him throughout his recovery. Jack worked so incredibly hard, and with the support of a local mental health rehabilitation unit in Bristol was able to get the help he needed to start his long and brave journey to recovery."

(Left to right): Ella with her brothers Jack and Fred Credit: Ella Rothwell

To Ella, Jack's story is proof that things can get better.

"I have seen how suicide can effect a family, and I have seen both sides.

"I have seen somebody suffer through it and succeed and come out the other end, and I've lost my best mate to it. If I can't talk about it and the effect it has, and start conversations about people being able to talk, then I don't know who can."

The 28-year-old will finish the 157 miles at the iconic Suspension Bridge in Bristol, near where there is a memorial to her younger brother.

A memorial to Fred can be seen near the Clifton Suspension Bridge. Credit: Ella Rothwell

When asked what Fred would have made of the challenge, Ella said he would have called her "an idiot", but it would have made him "stupidly proud".

So far she has raised more than £16,000 for CALM - already more than triple her original target. You can donate to Ella's fundraising page here.

For more information on where you can get help for you or someone you know, visit the CALM website.