'Thinking I might wet myself' - The cancer side effects many men are too embarrassed to talk about
'Us men are notoriously reluctant to talk about intensely personal issues but that needs to change'
Marcus Grodentz, 73, from Magor in South Wales was diagnosed with incurable prostate cancer in 2023.
Marcus said: “Before my treatment I had difficulty controlling when I would need the toilet. This led to the occasional embarrassing accident in public.
"Men especially are quite private and don’t want to share, and people can’t help it but once they know about your cancer, they do treat you differently. I miss that.
"I want people to treat me normally. I never wanted to be the guy with cancer.
A new survey from expert cancer support charity Maggie’s reveals men can feel guilt and embarrassment following a cancer diagnosis.
The survey found 17 % of all 500 men with cancer polled initially felt embarrassed about their diagnosis while 41% of men felt anxious.
12% said they felt guilty after their diagnosis and 23% said they felt loneliness.
For Marcus he had experienced a range of symptoms following his diagnosis.
"Since having cancer, the side effects of the medication I'm on mean I have the 'male menopause
"I am constantly tired; I get hot flushes; mood swings; I find myself suddenly bursting into tears and I have no control over it. My wife will ask me what’s wrong and I said, “I’ve got no bloody clue.
"There are some days when I feel really low and alone. I am still so confused about everything.
"Me and my wife had a healthy sex life even in our 70’s. We don’t anymore. My whole life has been turned upside down, but this has been the biggest impact. I feel guilty about that.
"It’s like a huge part of my relationship has been removed. There’s no desire.
"Having prostate cancer means you need to go to the toilet all the time. Whenever I would get near home, I would need the loo, and you get to your front door in an overwhelming panic to turn the key and make it to the toilet before you wet yourself."
Marcus found support in the men’s group at Maggie’s Cardiff, the cancer support centre based at The Velindre Hospital.
He said opening up about the more sensitive side effects of cancer treatments have helped him feel less alone.
Marcus said: "I told one of the other men in the support group about constantly thinking I might wet myself before I could open the front door to my house and he said, “you know that’s called front door syndrome. It’s a real thing."
"I never would have spoken to my consultant or oncologist about that, but it felt so validating that someone else had experienced this.
“When I started talking in the men’s group about my disappearing penis, one of the other men stood up and shook my hand and said, “thank you Marcus, I thought it was just me.”
“Us men are notoriously reluctant to talk about intensely personal issues but it’s so important and that needs to change.”
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