'I thought I was going to die': One woman’s nightmare of living in an abusive relationship
Dot Davies reporting for Y Byd ar Bedwar
A woman from Llanrwst in Denbighshire has spoken for the first time about the nightmare of living with a controlling and abusive partner.
Rebecca Williams had been in a relationship with Stephen Roberts since 2019. She says it started out to be a loving relationship but quickly turned into living hell.
“He’d strangle me and grab me by my hair quite violently”, she told S4C's Y Byd ar Bedwar programme.
“I felt powerless. I couldn’t defend myself or fight back or it would make it worse”.
“I wasn’t able to wear anything fitted or tightly fitted, that would insinuate that I was wanting attention so I had to wear big baggy clothes.”
“Physically, I'd lost over a stone. Mentally and emotionally, I was a wreck.”
As things got worse, Rebecca recalls one incident in the bath that would haunt her until this day.
“My worst fear is drowning and he knew that. He was strangling me whilst also pushing downwards.”
“I did think I was going to die then, which is not a nice way to go. There’s no dignity there at all.”
Rebecca made a few calls to the police during the relationship but then backtracked in fear of the repercussions. It wasn’t until a member of the public saw them on a walk together and raised concerns that Stephen Roberts was eventually arrested.
Last month, Roberts was jailed for 3 years and received a restraining order for coercive and controlling behaviour.
“I feel like he is a danger. I feel like I want to warn every woman in the world to stay away, keep safe, he’s not to be trusted.”
A freedom of information request revealed that last year there were more than 48,000 domestic abuse crimes recorded by Welsh police forces. Of those, only 8% resulted in a charge.
North Wales’ domestic abuse safety unit, or DASU, has been working with victims of domestic abuse for over 30 years. They’ve been supporting Rebecca for three years.
“We’ve seen such a change in Rebecca,” her caseworker, Elen Roberts, told Y Byd ar Bedwar. “She’s now volunteering with us and she’s got herself into a good place”.
In the last six months, DASU has seen a rise of more than 20% in domestic abuse cases, with one being referred to them every 15 minutes.
In 2015, coercive or controlling behaviour became a crime punishable by up to five years in prison. But Elen Roberts, who has worked with over 200 hundred survivors, is now calling for harsher punishments for perpetrators.
“I don’t think 5 years is enough. We’re hoping that it will change because the person who has experienced this abuse has to live with that forever, and they have to learn how to cope with it on a daily basis.”
“I’ve never seen a case where someone has received the full sentence. One had 3 years, but he should’ve had more.”
A government spokesperson for the Ministry of Justice and Home Office said: “controlling or coercive behaviour is a particularly cruel form of domestic abuse, and we are determined to crack down on abusers and protect victims.”
“We are going further than ever before by implementing tougher measures on the most dangerous domestic abuse offenders, including ensuring those who commit Controlling or Coercive behaviour who are sentenced to 12 months or more are recorded on the Violent and Sex Offender Register.”
For more information on support services available click the links below:
Refuge - For Women and Children Against Domestic Violence
Links to more organisations can be found on the Citizens Advice website
Watch the full Y Byd ar Bedwar programme on Monday, 26 June 2023, on S4C or iPlayer at 8pm. English subtitles available.