‘I was confused 24/7’: Ruth Dodsworth’s daughter Grace on growing up with domestic abuse
ITV Cymru Wales presenter Ruth Dodsworth has spoken bravely on several occasions about the impact her controlling ex-husband had on her life.
She was on the receiving end of his possessive and coercive behaviour for almost a decade.
But the impacts of that behaviour also affected her two children.
Ruth’s daughter, 18-year-old Grace, spoke to ITV Cymru Wales for a special edition of Wales This Week, about what it was like growing up in that environment and how one night changed everything.
“I’d grown up with all of it,” she says.
“So I was pretty used to everything. I thought it was normal, but that night it was completely different.”
It was that night, Grace said, that she realised the family situation was far from normal.
“We knew he wouldn’t hurt us, it was more psychologically ‘what do we do, this isn’t good, we know he’s not in a right state’” she said.
“And then he went on a rampage as well, as I call it, and that was terrifying in that sense."
It was the events of that night that led to Grace’s father’s arrest, and ultimately, his conviction for coercive and controlling behaviour and harassment.
She said: “Throughout the whole entire process of this coming out and going to the police I was confused 24/7.
"I didn’t know what was normal, what was right, I was questioning everything about my life.”
Grace wants to use her experiences to help raise awareness of what coercive control is, and how to identify it.
"If it was presented through the police, or through the media, or through school, I feel like more people would come out and say 'I need help or I know someone who needs help'” she explained.
She now works with her mum in helping to train South Wales Police to spot the signs of coercive and controlling behaviour.
In addition to that she has given a talk at her school in an effort to help educate her peers about the dangers of domestic abuse, and how to support those going through it.
It is something she would like to see openly discussed more often.
She said: “It's a sensitive topic to talk about, especially in school.
"Because this is such a hazed over topic that nobody really wants to get into.'
One group that is looking to get into that very topic is Hafan Cymru.
Through the charity’s Spectrum Project, its teams go into schools across Wales with the aim of teaching young people about healthy relationships.
West Monmouth High School, in Pontypool, participates in the project.
Its staff believe the lessons are vital in teaching young people what constitutes a healthy relationship.
Lydia Foley, a teacher at the school, said: “I think it’s really important that we break the cycle.
"Children often will repeat behaviours that they’ve been taught at home, so if we can teach them what a healthy relationship is it helps them to understand how to behave in a relationship.
"There’s a massive change now coming up with the new curriculum for Wales, so lessons like this are going to be coming more and more on the curriculum.
"A hundred and thirty thousand children in the UK are affected by domestic abuse so it’s really important that they’re more aware of the issues that they feel empowered to tackle anything that they come across in later life.”
If you or someone you know is affected by domestic abuse you can visit:
The Live Fear Free website or call the helpline on 0808 80 10 800
Safer Wales or call them on 029 2022 0033
Email The DYN Project at support@dynwales.org or call them on 0808 801 0321
Email BAWSO at or call them on 0800 7318147
Email Llamau at or call them on 029 2023 9585
Email Relate Cymru at or call them on 0300 003 2340
Email Deaf Hope at deafhope@deaf-hope.org
You can watch Wales This Week: Tackling Coercive Control on ITV Cymru Wales on Monday 6 December at 8pm. The programme is also available online shortly after its transmission.