'It was like my right arm had been cut off' What it's like losing a partner and living with loneliness
Loneliness is something that can touch people of all ages.
Vic Brown, from Powys, writes what it was like to lose his wife after more than 40 years of marriage.
I'm Vic. I live in a small village in North Powys, and have done so for the best part of the last twenty five years.
Sadly I lost my wife, Di, four years ago last September. That was after 41 years of marriage. As with all relationships we had our ups and downs, luckily more ups, a generally happy forty one years. This came to an abrupt halt in 2014, it was like my right arm had been cut off.
Since that point in my life I’ve found myself suffering, as many others do, with a previously unknown affliction - loneliness.
I am an only child, done many things in life which includes being a class one driver. One would think that those two elements alone would prepare me for being on my own following the loss of my long term partner.
That's far from the truth.
A neighbour, a widow, saddened by my situation, said to me something so fundamental about my experience . She said, “Vic, no one will understand your situation. You’ll get the usual ‘I know how you feel, time will heal but unless someone experiences the same, the loss of a loving partner, nobody else will fully appreciate how you feel'.
My neighbour was so right. Four years on and I still struggle. No one to talk to, discuss problems, even to plan some sort of future. I live in a small village but my neighbours and the people that I know, passing acquaintances, only speak if I speak first. They certainly don’t come to my place for a cuppa, though I often offer.
Today I find people are wrapped up in their own world.
Times have changed so much!
However, trying to be positive, I have, over the last few years given talks to those involved in tackling loneliness. This included not only individuals but also academics who are responsible for putting forward the true impact of loneliness to governmental groups involved in combatting the effects of loneliness.
The other group that I personally feel are currently helping my situation is Men's Sheds Cymru. One has just recently started near me in Llanfyllin, and is a place where men can talk, share experiences and teach and learn new skills.
It’s proving a real help to the others that attend and certainly to myself. In our shed we are already starting to organise programmes to hopefully aid and to be of benefit to local communities and individuals. It gives one a motivation that’s been missing during the past four years. It’s still very lonely when I get home and shut my door but it does give me a reason to move forward with a hope of meeting and enjoying other people’s company once more.
The future may get better with time, hopefully meet another partner with whom I could be happy once more. After all of the years that have passed it’s not easy facing up to an unknown future.
As the song says, ‘Always look on the bright side of life’.