Pamela Ballantine: 'After telling friends I had cancer, now I can tell them I don't'
By Pamela Ballantine
Seven months ago I had to tell my family and friends I have breast cancer. Seven months on I can tell them that I don’t.
I do not wish to offend anyone who has been given the same cancer diagnosis by saying that I do not want to be referred to as “having battled cancer” or “beaten cancer” or “survived cancer” as I feel that is doing a disservice to anyone, or their families, who have not had the same positive outcome I have had.
Even though I have been on TV for almost 40 years I am quite a private person which is why I have not really been talking about what is going on in my life this year. However, I knew that when I was ready I wanted to highlight just how important early detection is. I had no lump or any visible sign.
If I had not gone when I was called for my regular breast screening, I would not have known I had tumours in my right breast and armpit, perhaps until it was too late.
It is very strange knowing there is something inside you, that you didn’t know you had, that left untreated can kill you and the only way to get rid of it is to fill your body with poison. So you go to hospital feeling totally fine and leave knowing you are going to feel ill.
On Thursday 29 December 2022 I should have been raising a glass of champagne to celebrate my niece, Lauren’s 30th birthday with my sister, Susie, and other family and friends.
Instead Susie, who has been an absolute rock as well as chauffeur and note taker, accompanied me to the Ulster Hospital to meet Prof Kirk to get the results of needle biopsies which had been carried out after I had been called back to the breast cancer screening unit following a routine mammogram.
As I said, I had no lump or any sign that I had a tumour. Nothing can prepare you to hear the words “that is cancer”.
After that I am really not too sure what was said, other than it is breast cancer, which means it should hopefully, not have spread anywhere else. I had MRI and CT scans to make sure. I had a tumour in my right breast and in a lymph node in my armpit. I was told that surgery to remove the offending tumours would be carried out in 3 or 4 weeks followed by radiotherapy.
I was called back to see Prof Kirk 3 weeks later and given the good news that indeed it was only in my breast and lymph node, however the biopsy did show that, as well as being an oestrogen fed tumour, it was also the type of cancer, HER2, that could divide and spread around my body, so chemotherapy was recommended and that I was to meet the oncologist the following day.
That totally threw me. I couldn’t cope. I had geared myself up for surgery the following week.
I had too much on to be able to start the treatment so soon. I had a programme to record the next morning and I was meeting friends in Dublin that weekend, all of which now seems totally irrelevant and ridiculous, but it was my way of dealing with it.
The breast cancer team were so understanding and said it would be no problem to start the following week. As Susie and I were walking back to the car I said part of me wanted to get it started to get it over with, while another part of me needed to process everything.
The following day I got a call from Lindsay, one of the breast cancer nurses, to say the oncologist, Dr Lucy Jellett, could meet me the next day rather than wait a week, which actually was a relief.
When I met her on the Friday she explained the process would start the following Monday when I would be coming in at 8.30 to get a PICC line fitted ready for my first chemotherapy session on the Wednesday. I think I was still in denial as I told her that Monday didn’t suit as I was going to be in Dublin. However when she asked me why, I did feel a bit lame saying “I’ll be having a boozy lunch with my friends on Sunday”. She looked me in the eye and said “Pamela, you have to understand you are ours now”. That hit home.
The PICC line was fitted on the Monday morning and I had my first chemotherapy 2 days later.
Exactly 2 weeks after my first treatment my hair started coming out in clumps. Wigs are available through the NHS but I wasn’t able to get one that looked like me. Thankfully I am lucky enough to be in a position to be able to buy one. I met Theresa at Tresses, who was wonderful, and I came home with my wig which I named “Helen” after the wonderful Dame Mirren, and Paul Stafford who has been cutting my hair for over 30 years trimmed her in to shape.
In fact not too many people know Helen and I have been inseparable since the middle of February. It has not been plain sailing by any means. I got an infection in my PICC line and spent 5 days in hospital getting i/v antibiotics. I was lucky enough not to have any sickness, thanks to the many anti- sickness drugs I was given. I had days when I just slept the clock round and others when I ached like I had the worst flu.
I have cried, oh how I have cried. As well as losing all my hair, many of the horrendous side effects from the chemo included painful mouth ulcers, toe nails turning black and falling off, broken skin on my hands and feet which bled. These are just some of them. I will spare you the other details.
However the Macmillan Helpline is there for a reason and they have been wonderful. I was in so much pain at 3 o’clock one morning I rang. The phone was answered immediately and a calming voice consoled me.
One the positive side, thanks to chemotherapy, the official terminology is that I have had “a complete pathological response”, which means the treatment has been a success. MRI scans had shown that my tumours had gone. I have had surgery to remove the tissue and surrounding area where the tumours had been. I have not had a mastectomy, but I believe it was an option that was considered by Prof Kirk, my surgeon. The pathology report stated that there was scarring, which meant that there had been cancer in my breast and in 3 of 16 lymph nodes which were removed, but no more.
The Macmillan Nurses in the unit at the Ulster Hospital have been incredible. Their compassion, empathy, kindness, humour and of course professionalism has been second to none.
Everyone has their own way of coping and Dr Lucy Jellett has been so understanding with me wanting to keep working. The District Nurses who I saw every week to flush out my PICC line and change my dressing and also who came the day after each chemo treatment to give me an injection, have been amazing.
The breast cancer nurses have been and are still there for me should I have any concerns. Prof Kirk, who had to give me the bad news in the first place and then carry out the surgery has been brilliant in his explanation of everything I was going to experience. I think he even understood my sense of humour.
Over the last 7 months I have been treated for an illness I did not know I had. That treatment has been rough. I still have to have some treatment for the next few months and will be on medication for a few years. My hair is growing back. Helen may be retired soon. However please don’t treat me any differently.
I am still me and I hope I will be for many, many years to come.
If you've been affected by anything in this interview please go to the links below:Macmillan Cancer
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