Helping nursery-age children through the uncertainty of lockdown - what can parents do?

Tap above to watch Charlene White's interview with Dr Jennifer Wills Lamacq

While we have heard a lot about the impact the Covid pandemic and lockdown is having on school-aged children, parents of younger children are noticing an impact on them too.

Although nurseries are remaining open for now life outside of that has changed dramatically. It's thought that that may be affecting their behaviour.

Writing in her own words, child psychologist Dr Jennifer Wills Lamacq has some helpful, simple advice for parents.

Many parents of young children are reporting changes in their children’s reactions and behaviour.

They are seeing disruption in sleep patterns, appetite changes, outbursts, clinginess and generally needing much more attention than usual.

This can be confusing because on the surface it feels as though young children will have less knowledge about what is going and have experienced fewer big changes. So, why are they behaving so differently?

Young children tend to be very highly attuned to people and the world around them. They don’t have much language or formal knowledge to make sense of things so they rely on what they notice and experience. Therefore they can be affected by even small changes in their day or in their adults’ behaviour and reactions.

Add to this the direct impact of limits to their outdoor play and exercise, limited contact with friends or other family members, as well as all the pressures and uncertainty on the household. It is no surprise we are seeing children regress to the behaviours of their younger selves, a natural and typical response to uncertainty.

So what can parents do?

I talk a lot about the Three Rs: Reassure, Routines, and Regulate.

• Reassure

Reassure about our safety from coronavirus. It’s good to keep a focus on the positive – what we do to keep ourselves safe, rather than the risks or what we “don’t” do.

Reassure about other family members who you don’t currently see. Young children benefit from receiving things like video messages and postcards to help make the love and connection feel real.

Reassure them by providing lots of attention and connection from yourself. Find peaceful and comforting ways to enjoy each other, when you can. Cuddling on the sofa reading a book or watching TV is lovely.

You also indirectly reassure children by providing a predictable pattern to their day.

• Routine

Keep to similar mealtimes and bedtimes, along with predictable blocks of activity, so your child knows what they can expect each day.

Explain changes in advance and try to counterbalance by emphasising what stays the same.

When you need to get something done, try centring your child in the explanation “get your lego and build a house. I will help you in 5 minutes” rather than “I just have to send these emails and then I’ll play”.

Sand timers help.

• Regulate

This is about allowing children to feel and express their difficult feelings. Don’t punish or push them away. Instead, aim to contain and explain what they are feeling. This will build their emotional vocabulary and understanding.

Adults need to regulate too. This period of time is incredibly difficult for parents and we need to make sure we are able to breathe, regulate, and calm things down. It is ok to prioritise this because it will help you with all of the above.

Remember that this is temporary and most likely the changes you see in your children will also be temporary. The regression is their natural adaptive response and you can support them through it.