Bereaved fathers say honours for suicide prevention walks ‘bittersweet’

The 'Three Dads Walking' before their latest fundraising trek.
Three Dads Walking Credit: ITV Granada

Three fathers appointed MBEs for walking campaigns to raise money for suicide prevention after losing their own daughters have said the honours were “bittersweet”.

Andy Airey, Mike Palmer and Tim Owen started Three Dads Walking in memory of their daughters who took their own lives – 17-year-old Beth Palmer, 19-year-old Emily Owen and Sophie Airey, 29.

They completed a 500-mile walk from Stirling to Norwich in May to bring in money for the young suicide prevention charity, Papyrus, for which they have raised more than £1.4 million.

The three fathers have each been made a Member of the Order of the British Empire (MBE) in the King’s Birthday Honours list.

Mike Palmer says the fact they have been recognised, putting charity Papyrus in the spotlight, will help save lives

Mr Owen, from Shouldham, Norfolk, said: “For all of us, it’s bittersweet because the only reason we’re getting this honour is because of the work we’ve done after we’ve all lost our daughters to suicide.

“All three of us in a heartbeat would swap this award, this honour, to get our girls back.”

He added: “We’re humbled but all three of us would rather not be in this position. But now we are in this position, we’re very grateful.”

Mr Airey, who is from the Eden Valley in Cumbria, said: “Because we’re talking about the girls it’s like they’re with us all the time.

“We never let them go.”

Mr Palmer said the grief from losing Beth “never goes away”, adding: “I think you get maybe a little bit stronger to bear the weight as time goes on.”

Mr Owen said peer support was “important” for parents who have lost their children to suicide because of “an unspoken bond between you”.

“To know the other two – Mike and Andy – know how you feel about losing your daughter – that’s so powerful,” he added.

From left, Beth Palmer, Sophie Airey and Emily Owen Credit: ITV Granada

The Three Dads fundraising efforts helped Papyrus extend the hours of its suicide prevention helpline HOPELINE to a 24-hour service and open more offices.

The charity said suicide is the main cause of death in young people under the age of 35 in the UK.

Mr Palmer, who has worked as a firefighter in Sale, Greater Manchester, said: “We’ve met people that have said they haven’t taken their own life because we’ve raised awareness and we talk about it, but sometimes it’s a knife edge between life and death.

“And just a few little things or one thing can make a difference.”

The three fathers spoke to political leaders during their walks including Prime Minister Rishi Sunak and Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer.

Mr Palmer said: “Both Rishi Sunak and Keir Starmer – when they spoke to us – spoke as fathers. And that really came through – this sort of thing does not discriminate.”

Worried about mental health?

CALM

CALM, or the Campaign Against Living Miserably, runs a free and confidential helpline and webchat – open from 5pm to midnight every day, for anyone who needs to talk about life’s problems.

It also supports those bereaved by suicide, through the Support After Suicide Partnership (SASP).

  • Phone their helpline: 0800 585858 (Daily, 5pm to midnight)

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PAPYRUS

For practical, confidential suicide prevention help and advice you can contact PAPYRUS HOPELINE247 on 0800 068 4141, text 07860 039967 or email pat@papyrus-uk.org

Suicide is the biggest killer of young people in the UK. PAPYRUS aims to reduce the number of young people who take their own lives by breaking down the stigma around suicide and equipping people with the skills to recognise and respond to suicidal behaviour.

HOPELINE247 is the charity’s confidential 24 hour helpline service providing practical advice and support to young people with thoughts of suicide and anyone concerned about a young person who may have thoughts of suicide.

HOPELINE247 is staffed by trained professionals, offering a telephone, text and email service.

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Mind

Mind is a mental health charity which promotes the views and needs of people with mental health issues.

It provides advice and support to empower anyone experiencing a mental health problem, and campaigns to improve services, raise awareness and promote understanding.

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Samaritans

Samaritans is an organisation offering confidential support for people experiencing feelings of distress or despair.

  • Phone 116 123 (a free 24 hour helpline)

  • Email: jo@samaritans.org

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Andy's Man Club

ANDYSMANCLUB is a men's suicide prevention charity, offering free-to-attend peer-to-peer support groups across the United Kingdom and online.

It wants to eliminate the stigma surrounding mental health and create a judgement-free, confidential space where men can be open about the storms in their lives.

The charity runs weekly, free-to-attend peer-to-peer support groups for men aged over 18.

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James’ Place

Suicide prevention centre in Liverpool offering life-saving support to men in suicidal crisis.

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YoungMinds

YoungMinds is a resource with information on child and adolescent mental health, but also offers services for parents and professionals.

It is the UK’s leading charity fighting for children and young people's mental health, and wants to make sure all young people can get the mental health support they need, when they need it

  • YoungMinds Textline - Text YM to 85258

  • Phone Parents' helpline 0808 802 5544 (Monday to Friday, 9.30am - 4pm)

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The Three Dads have campaigned for suicide prevention lessons – currently optionally taught to age-appropriate children – to become a statutory part of the curriculum.

Mr Owen described a public consultation, published in May, as a “massive step”.

However, he added that the fathers were concerned that direct references to suicide were not being made to Year 7s and that they wanted to ensure suicide prevention was compulsory in schools rather than optional.

Mr Owen said: “We’ve met so many suicide bereaved parents of 11-year-olds – that is the big hurdle going from primary school to high school.”

He added that some of the risks could be “mitigated” by teaching suicide prevention to Year 7s.

Three Dads Walking complete epic 500-mile suicide prevention walk
Three dads grieving their daughters' suicides set off on third charity walk

Mr Palmer said the Three Dads “haven’t finished yet” and “there’s so much more to do”, with Mr Owen adding: “If we can stop one other family going through this, then that’s all been worth it.”

Chief executive of Papyrus Ged Flynn said the fathers were “rightly honoured as our heroes” and had helped to start “conversations in homes and communities where families were unable or unwilling to discuss suicide”.

Mr Flynn added: “We are delighted that the Three Dads Walking have been honoured by their country for the remarkable impact they have had and the young lives they have undeniably helped to save.

“Brought together by the tragedy and trauma of suicide – which shattered their lives and the lives of those around them – Andy, Mike and Tim set out to achieve something positive following the loss of their daughters Sophie, Beth and Emily.

“In so doing they created something extraordinary, which captured the nation’s hearts.”

Should suicide prevention be taught in schools? We ask the question in our podcast, From the North

Suicide: What are the warning signs to look out for?

Four out of five individuals considering suicide give some sign of their intentions, either verbally or behaviourally.

Each tab below has signs to look out for in a person considering suicide.

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Suicide threats

Almost everyone who attempts or completes suicide has given warning signs through their words or behaviours. Do not ignore any suicide threats.

The following statements may indicate serious suicidal feelings:

  • “I’d be better off dead.”

  • “I won’t be bothering you much longer.”

  • “You’ll be better off without me around.”

  • “I hate my life.”

  • “I am going to kill myself.”

Suicide threats are not always verbal.

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Depression

Depression is one of the leading causes of suicide attempts. Mental or addictive disorders are associated with 90% of suicide.

One in 10 youth suffer from mental illness serious enough to be impaired, yet fewer than 20% receive treatment.

Depression can be exhibited in many ways including the following which are detailed in more depth:

  • Sudden, abrupt changes in personality

  • Expressions of hopelessness and despair

  • Declining grades and school performance

  • Lack of interest in activities once enjoyed

  • Increased irritability and aggressiveness

  • Withdrawal from family, friends and relationships

  • Lack of hygiene

  • Changes in eating and sleeping habits

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Anger, increased irritability

Recent research has identified a connection between interpersonal violence and suicide.

Suicide is associated with fighting for both males and females, across all ethnic groups, and for youth living in urban, suburban, and rural areas.

You should be concerned if a friend is exhibiting unusually irritable behaviour.

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Lack of interest

You should be concerned if a friend suddenly starts to lose interest in sports or hobbies that they used to enjoy.

  • The captain of the football team no longer wants to be on the team.

  • A dancer decides to leave the team because she does not like it anymore.

  • Your music-loving friend decides to quit the band.

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Sudden increase or decrease in appetite

  • A friend of yours that typically eats more than anyone you know barely eats or skips lunch.

  • Someone eating noticeably more without adding any additional exercise to their daily routine.

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Sudden changes in appearance

  • He/She is not dressing as they typically would.

  • Lack of personal hygiene.

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Dwindling academic performance

  • A model student suddenly failing classes or not turning in assignments.

  • Lack of concern for school, classes, and grades.

  • Grades dropping suddenly

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Preoccupation with death and suicide

This can be seen throughout their:

  • Essays and writings about death

  • Poems about death

  • Artwork or drawings depicting death

  • Social media posts and comments

  • Talking a lot about death or dying

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Previous suicide attempts

Youth who have attempted suicide are at risk to do it again.

In fact, they are eight times more likely than youth who have never attempted suicide to make another suicide attempt.

  • One out of three suicide deaths is not the individual’s first attempt.

  • The risk for completing suicide is more than 100 times greater during the first year after an attempt.

  • Take any instance of deliberate self-harm seriously.

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