'I was forced to eat toothpaste': Man who was abused and controlled details nine months of torment
Report by Jahmal Williams-Thomas
A man who was abused by his partner says he's 'disappointed' after she received a suspended sentence.
Sarah Rigby, 41, had pleaded guilty to controlling and coercive behaviour over her former partner Gareth Jones.
Rigby, from Winsford in Cheshire, was sentenced to 20 months in prison, suspended, on Friday 24 May. She was also handed a five year restraining order and ordered to complete 35 days of rehabilitation.
Speaking to ITV Granada Reports after her sentencing, Mr Jones voiced his frustration after she avoided jail time.
He said: "I feel disappointed with the verdict, it shows there is still a stigma in society about the male-female dynamic, especially relating to domestic abuse. If it was a man it would probably be a completely different outcome.
"Females can be perpetrators, public opinion is vital, and changing the narrative is key and that stigmatisation is out there in society around how males are not seen as victims of domestic violence. It shows this can happen and more people do need to come forward and speak out about this."
The relationship began in July 2021, and quickly turned into what police later described as one of the worst cases of controlling and coercive behaviour they'd ever encountered.
"Over the time I was with Sarah I was subjected to psychological abuse, not being given a key to the property, and being forced to leave on numerous occasions.
"I was belittled, called names each time, the constant bombardment of text messages, the mental health aspect, the physical impact, financial control and taking all of my salary and not being able to use the bathroom in the house."
After nine months with Rigby, Gareth contacted police in March 2022, after seeking help from a men’s domestic abuse helpline.
Following the call, an investigation was launched by detectives in Northwich CID and Rigby was later charged.
In that time, she had forced him to move into her home in Winsford, where he was made to store all his belongings in the garage.
She ordered him to pay £700 a month rent, despite the fact her father already owned the house.
Rigby soon took full control of all his finances, cut him off from his family and friends, and stopped him from being in the house alone – despite the fact he needed to work from home. He would be forced to go to the local library to keep working.
Gareth, from Pontypridd, south Wales, was also told he was unable to shower or defecate at the house, meaning that he had to go to a local gym to wash. She also searched him as he was entering and leaving the house to ensure he wasn’t taking anything that she didn’t approve of.
If he didn’t comply with her orders, Rigby would punish him by physically assaulting him, preventing him from eating, and making the victim sleep on the floor with no duvet and the windows left open.
During the relationship, Gareth lost four stone in weight.
He told ITV Granada Reports: "I became more and more systematically thrown out of the house. My mum had offered to cook some food but I became so nervous about eating anything that had onion or garlic in that I wouldn't eat.
"I became very nervous and asked constantly what's in the food, for fear of retribution."
That retribution often came.
"I was forced to drink mouthwash and eat toothpaste," he said.
Male domestic abuse: the statistics
The Office for National Statistics 21/22 figures show that 1 in 3 victims of domestic abuse are male, equating to 699,000 men (1.6m women).
Only 4.7% of victims of domestic abuse being supporting by local domestic services are men according to SafeLives data. This highlights how few men are being supported by local domestic abuse services.
11% of male victims (7.2% women) have considered taking their life due to partner abuse.
In 2021/22, 18 men died at the hands of their partner or ex-partner compared to 60 women. For men, it is the highest figure since 2008/09 and doubles that from 2019/20. It is one man every three weeks.
The RESPECT Men’s Advice Line has seen a 57% demand increase relating to domestic abuse since 2021
Following Friday's sentencing, Detective Constable Sophie Ward from Cheshire Police, said: “This is the worst case of controlling and coercive behaviour I have ever seen.
“Rigby had a stranglehold on the victim. Through her coercive behaviour she was able to control everything he did, cutting him off from everyone he knew and leaving him trapped, feeling like he had nowhere to turn.
“Her actions left the victim both physically and emotionally scarred, and even now, two years after their relationship ended, he is still receiving phycological counselling to help him recover.
“Even after she was charged, Rigby continued to taunt her victim, refusing to return his belongings, and constantly delaying the trial by failing to notify the court of holidays and appointments.
“Although she eventually pleaded guilty to her offending, she has shown no remorse for her actions. While the victim will never be able to forget what happened to him, I hope that the conclusion of this case will help him to move forward and start to rebuild his life.”
Gareth now hopes his case can act as a catalyst to change the way people think about domestic abuse, when men are the victims.
"Hopefully, we can change the way the judicial system looks upon these kinds of cases as has shown with the verdict that has come out. I think that's vitally important on how we can try and move things forward as a society.
"I think it shows that it doesn't send a strong enough message. It shows that if you're a female abuser and you did commit such atrocities, you can still get away with things. It is vital that that is addressed within society, the more men that come forward and speak up about these things, that's the way we can have a true impact."
Senior crown prosecutor Nicky Inskip of CPS Mersey Cheshire said: “Sarah Rigby subjected her former partner to months of cruel and dehumanising behaviour. She seemed intent on humiliating and degrading him in any way she could.“On one occasion she threw him out of the house in his underwear and refused to allow him back in. She accused him of stealing from her and, at the same time, made him pay for things for her.”Mr Inskip added: “The abuse has had a substantial impact on this man who finally found the courage to break free from this toxic relationship and report Sarah Rigby’s behaviour to the police.“Her treatment of him did not represent the normal ups and downs of a relationship. It was coercive, controlling and criminal. She admitted her guilt in the face of overwhelming evidence and has now been sentenced. We hope this is of some comfort to the victim.”
If you or a loved one has been affected by any of the issues raised in this report, you can find support on any of the links below:
Paul Lavelle Foundation: After the devastating loss of Paul Lavelle in a domestic abuse incident in 2017, friends and family of Paul came together to create The Paul Lavelle Foundation. The Charity was created to raise awareness of male domestic abuse
ManKind: Their confidential helpline is available for male victims of domestic abuse and domestic violence across the UK
Men's Advice Line: The Helpline for male victims of domestic abuse
Refuge: If you’re a man experiencing domestic abuse in the UK, Refuge can help.
DAVE: DAVE is a Domestic Abuse Victim Empowerment service providing confidential advice, impartial support, and advocacy for male victims of domestic abuse.
The Paul Lavelle Foundation outlines some of the reasons male victims of domestic abuse often do not speak up and report what is happening to them.
Shame and embarrassment
Feeling of failure as a male
Stigma attached to males reaching out for help and support
Fear of not being believed by authorities or that their abuse will be minimised due to them being male
Lack of dedicated services and resources for male domestic abuse across the UK
To protect their children. They worry their partner will harm the children if they leave or prevent them from having access
They are in denial and do not recognise the behaviour as abuse.