Victim of coercive control domestic abuse speaks out as charity says many women are still not getting justice
Report by Granada Reports journalist Tasha Kacheri
Coercive control has been a criminal offence for six years, but charities who support victims say many of the women they support still are not getting justice.
Michelle, not her real name, was a victim of coercive control and domestic violence for more than 15 years.
She was told what the wear, how to dress and how to have her hair.
She said: "Over time he would say things like nobody is interested in a single mum with kids, so I'm all you've got.
"It's really covert, he would just drop hints and say 'you'd look so much nicer if you wore this'."
Michelle's abuse went on for 15 years, the relationship even became violent.
Coercive and controlling behaviour became an offence in 2015, since then there has been more awareness around the subject and there have been some high profile cases in the news. The charity Women's Aid say that coercive and controlling behaviour has gotten worse for many women in abusive relationships due to the pandemic.
It also says almost all abusive relationships start with a degree of coercive control.
Lucy Hadley, from the charity, said: "The vast majority of domestic abuse cases are underpinned by coercive control.
"A home isn't a safe place for women in a controlling and coercive relationship and we've really seen really serious impact of the pandemic on survivor's experience."
Coercive control can't be pinned down to one event in a relationship, but is the accumulation of words, behaviours and threats that humiliate, isolate and control the victim.
Many of the women within these relationships do not know that they are victims of this offence and find it hard to leave.
The perpetrators tend to slowly control every aspect of their lives to a point where it is very hard to walk away.
Lucy, from Women's Aid, added: "It is incredibly difficult to leave an abusive and controlling relationship because that person has ultimate dominance and control over all aspects of your life, including your finances, your children, your ability to work, your ability to even speak and access support from your friends and family."
Michelle says she did ring police on a number of occasions, but her abuser would often apologise and tell her how much he loved her.
She said: "They tried to put measures in after there was a violent incident, and prior to that it was always insinuated, 'it's just a domestic incident, a fall out', they never really see the bigger picture or put together that this type of pattern of behaviour is showing up with this person in many different places."
Michelle has now left the relationship, but is still fighting her partner in court for custody of their child.
She says all she wants for women in her situation is for people to believe them.
She added: "They didn't understand the psychological side of it, and the fact that they mess with your head so much that you do doubt yourself.
"I don't feel like I ever got justice. They're asking me to prove something that's psychological, how do I do that?
"I feel like everything is stacked against me."
If you or anyone you know has been affected by domestic abuse and want to get in touch with someone about it, here are a few organisations that may find helpful.
Please remember, in an Emergency, call 999.