The charity-run sessions for self-confessed domestic abusers trying to change

Every week in a room in Rotherham, a group of men come together to share openly how they have abused their partners.

Some admit they have been violent, others have used more insidious methods of manipulation to coerce and control women.

All of them say they have a desire to change.

“I was controlling with money, I was domineering, it was my way or no way," one man tells me.

"Even kicking things. And, whilst I never considered that to be physical abuse, in actual fact it is because it’s the intimation that if you don’t do what I’m saying, you’re going to be next.”

Jack - not his real name - has been married to wife Sarah for 15 years.

Their relationship hit crisis point three years ago when Sarah, whose real identity we are also protecting, finally recognised his behaviour as abusive.

“He used to sort of belittle me and say that I was useless at most things in the house," she says.

"So it got to the point where I didn’t want to do anything in the house because I was frightened [about what would happen] if I didn’t do it his way. Because it had to be his way - or he lost his temper.

"It wasn’t until I went for counselling for something else - bereavement - that I opened up about certain things my husband did and she said ‘I’m not saying you’re in an abusive relationship, but'. And then as soon as she said that I thought, yes I am."

'Society has got a certain image of a man'

Sarah told Jack if he didn’t seek help for his behaviour she was going to leave.

He signed up for the Inspire to Change programme, led by the charity Cranstoun - a six-month scheme to help abusers change their behaviour.

Jack says: "They’re just so simple - some of the things they teach and show you - but they’re things I think many men would just miss in their normal everyday life."

He says there is "no real reason" why he didn't recognise his own behaviour before joining the programme.

"All I can say is society has got a certain image of a man and this is handed down generation after generation and we have got to look at how as a society generally we teach young men," he said.

Cranstoun uses one-to-one and group sessions to help participants recognise the signs of abuse, understand why they use violence or aggression in relationships, and develop practical tools to change.

The Inspire to Change Programme in South Yorkshire has helped more than 200 men since 2021, but is one of a dwindling number of perpetrator intervention schemes.

Wayne Grocott, service manager, said: “Historically a lot of domestic abuse services have been around victim survivor support - as they should, and I can’t stress that enough.

"But that’s trying to fix that problem now and try and protect somebody. What we’re hoping is if we do our jobs right, not only could we be protecting and improving the lives of families as a whole now, but potentially protecting victims survivors in the future."

Funding challenge

A recent report found just 7% of survivors who wanted their abuser to receive support were able to access it, with local authority funding for initiatives like this and other domestic abuse services fluctuating across Yorkshire and Lincolnshire.

In Calderdale, for example, the amount spent on such services rose 52% from 2022 to 2024. In Linconlshire it increased by 37%. But North Yorkshire’s budget remained the same. And in Kirklees the budget was cut by 24%.

Yorkshire's largest domestic abuse charity IDAS said demand for its services has doubled in the last four years.

Community team manager Erica Marsland said: “We’re in a position that some additional funding that’s been given throughout the sector is due to end in March 2025.

"The impact of that is absolutely massive.

"We might have to look at reducing our staffing which will impact the support we can provide which will be detrimental to the safety of our survivors."

Community team manager Noreen Akhtar added: “We’re hoping we’ll get an extension on that funding, but at this moment we’re at that crossroads where we don’t know what the future looks like in terms of funding.”

Criminologist Dr Sam Lewis leads a team at the University of Leeds which researches violence against women and girls.

She said the rise in women seeking support was partly down to growing awareness, but also an increase in misogyny.

“I think there is a great deal more awareness which is fantastic and the more we talk about it the more people will be able to report their experiences", she said.

"But often if we go back far enough people didn’t have ways of meeting other people with similar misogynistic attitudes now online you can meet people who share perhaps your very negative interests or beliefs.

"So I think the online environment has created a very dangerous space and those kinds of environments leak out into broader society.”

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