Comedian Mark Simmons wins Edinburgh Fringe's funniest joke of the year
A nautical pun about a sailing trip has been named the funniest joke at this year's Edinburgh Festival Fringe.
Comedian Mark Simmons won the award with his gag: “I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it.”
The U&Dave's Funniest Joke of the Fringe is chosen by members of the public from a shortlist drawn up by judges.
Some of the leading comedy critics and comedians in the UK are included in the panel, which celebrates “the art of joke writing” and making people laugh.
Panellists attended hundreds of shows during the Fringe and submitted their 10 favourites in an anonymous shortlist to prevent any bias towards household names.
A public vote involving 2,000 people was then held, with Simmons voted the winner. The one-liner was ranked among the best by 40% of those surveyed.
It came a decade after Simmons first performed at the Fringe, when his friend convinced him to do an open mic night.
Simmons said: “I’m really chuffed to win U&Dave’s Funniest Joke Of The Fringe.
"I needed some good news as I was just fired from my job marking exam papers, can’t understand it, I always gave 110%.”
He is debuting his show More Jokes at Liquid Rooms Annexe until August 24, and he is currently also performing a 200-date tour.
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Top 15 jokes of the 2024 Fringe, ranked:
1. I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it – Mark Simmons
2. I’ve been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don’t feel like I’m progressing. It’s just one step forward… two steps back – Alec Snook
3. Ate horse at a restaurant once – wasn’t great. Starter was all right but the mane was dreadful – Alex Kitson
4. I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed it – Arthur Smith
5. I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton: well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it – Mark Simmons
6. My dad used to say to me “Pints, gallons, litres”, which, I think, speaks volumes – Olaf Falafel
7. British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons? – Chelsea Birkby
8. I wanted to know which came first the chicken or the egg so I bought a chicken and then I bought an egg and I think I’ve cracked it – Masai Graham
9. My partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had – Zoe Coombs Marr
10. The conspiracy theory about the moon being made of cheese was started by the hallouminati – Olaf Falafel
11. I’m an extremely emotionally needy non-binary person: my pronouns are ‘there there’ – Sarah Keyworth
12. I’ve got a girlfriend who never stops whining. I wish I’d never bought her that vineyard – Roger Swift
13. Gay people are very bad at maths. We don’t naturally multiply – Lou Wall
14. Keir Starmer looks like an AI-generated image of a substitute teacher – Sophie Duker
15. Growing up rich is a hereditary condition. It affects 1% of people – Olga Koch.
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