How to help children process grief and speak about the Queen's death

By Multimedia Producer James Gray

After the death of Queen Elizabeth II the world has entered a collective period of mourning, with media organisations reflecting somber coverage of events leading up to the late Monarch's funeral, on Monday, September 19.

For some parents, teachers or guardians of young children the high profile nature of the Queen's death has meant it's been difficult for them to avoid discussions around the topic.

Conversations about death can sometimes prove difficult, leaving people wondering how best to hold discussions and at what level with a child. Here, parenting expert Sarah Ockwell-Smith, shares her tips on how adults can talk to children about the Queen's death.

Be honest

Sarah says adults, where possible, should sit down with children, and take the time to completely explain what they might be seeing and hearing.

She said: "If you try and hide things they’re always going to pick up on it from somebody else.

"They’ll either hear a conversation, somebody will be crying or they’ll see a newspaper picture, and if you don’t control the messages they hear then they can quickly formulate something more scary in their minds."

Instead, adults should be clear the Queen has died and not feel afraid to use the term 'death'.

The remarkable life of the Queen remembered and the King's inaugural speech analysed in our latest episodes of What You Need To Know.

Let children know their feelings are normal

The charity, Winston's Wish, explains that people of all ages can feel emotional when someone dies. Children, in particular those who haven't grieved before, can feel anger, sadness, guilt or confusion.

These are all normal reactions to hearing someone about a death and children need to be told so.

If you find a child has become upset by the Queen's death it’s important not to downplay their feelings as their connection is real to them.

Use simple, child friendly language

Discussions around death with youths should use simple, child friendly language, according to Sarah.

Meanwhile, care should also be taken to avoid ambiguous terms, such as 'passed away' or 'went to heaven'.

Using expressions, which centre around religious and spiritual beliefs, can be "really confusing" for children, and not feel "tangible" to their understanding of the situation. She added these conversations can be left to happen at a later date.

Let children ask questions

After the Queen's death children might have a lot of questions about the late Monarch and her death in general.

Sarah's advice to adults is when a child decides to ask you questions try to answer them as honestly as possible, no matter how "uncomfortable" or "inappropriate" they may feel.

If you don’t know the answer, it’s okay to tell them you will go away and try to find out. By letting them know they can ask questions and you will answer them, you are showing them they can trust you to tell the truth.

Use examples and books

If you're an adult who is concerned about having discussions with children about the Queen's death try to find relatable examples, which you've personally experienced.

Talking about the loss of a pet or witnessing the death of a wild animal, for example, can help provide a gateway for a conversation to begin.

Sarah also suggests using children's books as a vehicle to speak about death, as youngsters can find it easier to visualise through a story or fictional character.

In addition, children might like to process their feelings and remember the Queen by drawing pictures or writing about her.

Where can you get help for a grieving child?

Winston's Wish supports bereaved children, young people, their families and the professionals who support them. It's website has a specific help section for adults on how to support young people following the death of the Queen.

The charity, Child Bereavement UK, help children, young people, parents, and families to rebuild their lives when a child grieves or dies. It has a helpline (0800 02 888 40) which is available 9am - 5pm, Monday to Friday, except Bank Holidays. It's website also contains plenty of useful learning resources.

Grief Talk operate a helpline (0808 802 0111), between 9am-9pm Monday to Friday. You can also use it's online chat function and receive counselling sessions at its premises in north London and Bristol.