'I don't want to die': Dame Deborah James reveals 'anger' at thought of dying of bowel cancer
Dame Deborah James said she has spent the past week particularly “angry” at the fact that she is terminally ill and said she is scared as she doesn't "know what to expect".
Almost a month after the campaigner and podcaster, 40, revealed she has moved to end-of-life care, she told how she has been "consumed by anger" over the thought of dying, which feels like a "horrible joke".
But she added that death is “life’s last taboo” and hopes that by talking about it she will bring comfort to others.
The mother-of-two was diagnosed with bowel cancer in 2016 and began documenting her journey with candid accounts of her treatments on social media, which led to a huge online following.
She told The Sun: “Dying is really hard. I’ve been consumed by anger this week, in all honesty, I’ve been a real b****.
“I keep shouting at people and pushing them away. I’m angry at what’s happening to me. I don’t want to die."
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“There’s no right or wrong way to die,” she says. “I’m still doing this my way. I’m frustrated with my situation because I don’t want to die. I don’t think I will ever really accept it."
Dame Deborah said she still can't believe "it's happening" and that watching the "demise of my body is really, really, really sad."
She added that she gets joy at doing things such as helping her family cook and getting ready in the morning.
Dame Deborah joked that she doesn't want to die over the Jubilee weekend adding: "I don’t want Meghan stealing my thunder."
The campaigner – who last month was honoured with a damehood from the Duke of Cambridge – has raised more than £6.6 million for Cancer Research UK, Bowel Cancer UK and the Royal Marsden Cancer Charity through her Bowelbabe fund on Just Giving.
The podcaster set herself an initial target of £250,000 and has received donations from a huge number of supporters.
Earlier this week, Dame Deborah held a sleepover with her friends and family, which she said “put such a smile to my face”.