Why do children self-harm?

As ITV News reveals the increase in self-harming among young children, we asked charities to offer advice on dealing with the issues.

By Sarah Kendrick, Head of Service – Place2Be

Self-harm is a topic that is understandably quite frightening and confusing for many parents, and can be incredibly difficult to talk about.

Traditionally thought of as an issue affecting only adolescents, as the data from ITV News shows, this is also something which can affect younger children too.

We know sadly, self-harm can be a copycat or even competitive behaviour, particularly amongst teenagers. But what about for children as young as 7 or 8 who have no knowledge of such a thing, what could possibly drive such destructive actions?

Typically if a young child has the impulse to hurt themselves, it can be to provide a distraction or temporary relief from something that is causing them distress or anxiety. It is often used as a coping strategy

Many parents aren’t aware that self-harm can take different forms – ranging from repeatedly banging your head to denying yourself food. I worked with one young boy who would repeatedly punch a wall, and show me his bruised knuckles saying that it “took his mind of things”.

It was his way of telling me, through his injuries, about the extent of his distress.

Self-harming can be very secretive, and some children will go to great lengths to make it seem like an accident – for instance, repeatedly falling down the stairs. But in fact it is often a cry for help – a faint hope that someone will rescue them – as by deliberately causing themselves harm, they can ask for help without mentioning the underlying reason for their behaviour.

In a world in which they have very little opportunity to exert control, children sometimes find a physical way to take back some control in their lives, whether it’s deliberately hurting themselves, refusing to eat, or in one recent case, a young boy would repeatedly hang upside down he gave himself a headache.

For any parents or teachers reading this, the most important thing to remember is not to brush behaviour like this aside. Yes it’s a difficult, horrible topic. Yes you may be shocked if it affects your child. But it’s crucial that you don’t ignore it and hope it’ll go away.

Talk to them about what they’re doing – in a calm and measured way – helping them to identify and understand what they find stressful, and think together about alternative strategies for coping with their feelings.

The most damaging of attitudes is the adult that dismisses such behaviour as ‘attention-seeking’, or something children will ‘grow out of’ like a toddler tantrum.

If a child is repeatedly and intentionally hurting themselves, they are trying to communicate something with that behaviour.

It’s up to the adults around them, whether that’s a parent, a teacher, or a school counsellor to listen to them and make sure they get the help that they need.

Place2Be is a charity providing mental health services in primary and secondary schools. Find out more: www.place2be.org.uk

The views in this blog do not necessarily reflect those of ITV News.