Letter Lynda Bellingham wrote to her sons read out at funeral
Here is the full letter Lynda Bellingham wrote to her two sons Michael and Robbie which they read out at her funeral today.
It read: "Michael there is a photo of you as a baby and I seem to be presenting you to the world and you are responding beautifully, like the actor you are, with a big, beaming smile.
"We both look very sparkly, if you can understand my meaning and then there is a photo of you and Robbie when he was a baby, arriving five years later, and here I am trying to present my new son and you are having none of it.
"You are gazing into the camera slightly miffed and a bit uncertain of what is required of you and I am looking a bit unsure of my abilities to make you feel secure.
"And I look sad and that's how it was in 1980. I am not going to go back over wasted years but I guess they have to be taken into equation of where you both are today."
"I take responsibility for giving you your life, well I take some of the responsibility, and I also take pride and joy in how you have both turned out. You are both so different, yet from the same mould.
"I love you both so much it hurts. I think it is hard to make you understand how emotion works in women because as far as I can make out men are so much more uncomplicated.
"I don't mean that in a derogatory way at all. Men need very little to make them happy where women need to pick and unpick and put back together again."
"I wish I had been tougher with both of you with the obvious stuff but I really thought you were both clever enough to see what had to be done.
"If you didn't do your homework you would fail your exams and if you didn't tell the truth you would push each other away and if you do bad things they will come back to haunt you.
"However, somehow you have managed to reach a point where this has become clear to you and now you can move forward and make great lives for yourselves.
"The terrible truth is that I will not be there to enjoy it. I am sorry but if you have a little spirituality in you, you will believe that I will be watching. When my dad and mum died so soon after each other I felt like an orphan, but I did have you both to look after.
"Michael, you have Sasha and he does really need you. I know you have no nice added extras like a lovely home or money to take him places but they will come, have faith in yourself.
"Hopefully I have taught you to aspire to things in life that are not just about money, it is what is in your soul. Please listen to your brother, he is a wise guy.
"Robbie, you have Michael to look after, I know that's not what you want to hear or Michael, but it is the truth. Open your heart to him Robbie, he is not like you, he is a bit theatrical and a bit self-obsessed - that is the actor and that is how we are.
"I really mean 'listen Michael' - not just keep quiet and plan your next sentence and tirade while they are still speaking.
"If I thought you weren't going to help each other through this I would die, ha ha.
"When I was writing this I got a call from you Michael and it was so insightful, you knew something was wrong and had to ring and check up.The interesting thing is that hubby Michael and I had discussed on the way home from the clinic to tell you and Robbie our thoughts or leave you in blissful ignorance until Christmas.
"You solved the problem for me the moment you rang - that is how we worked as a family. Michael Pattemore finds that hard I think and keeps things close to his chest but he has to understand we work differently.
"My decision to stop the chemo was personal and probably the only thing I had left to myself. I know you boys will be upset and will probably go through a cross period with me but you have to respect my needs - I know you do.
"One thing I can assure you is that Michael loves you both very much and he will need you as much as anybody because you are his link to me. We know we are all different people and will not always see eye to eye.
"But from what I can see from a distance is a group of men who have one thing in common and it makes you listen to the others and it makes you realise you are not the only person on the planet - there are other ways of living life.
"And some time the road you choose changes dramatically and we have to adapt pretty smartish or we get lost. That is what I am trying to give you, I suppose. A view of life and in this case death. Always seek the truth and love. You are both so amazing and believe me you are both very strong.
"We would always have a discussion about being too nice to people and women getting their way in sneaky manoeuvres and I would always try to move you a little bit more towards forgiveness and tolerance. Don't think I still won't be doing that. Enough I am waffling.
"When the moment comes to say goodbye, let's just hold hands and love each other as we surely do."