Jess and Joshua: The love story that never was
It looked like a fairytale in the making, didn't it? Well, if you replace the princess with a Page Three girl, and the prince with a one-track-minded Northerner with no filter.
Yep, we had high hopes for Joshua and Jessica, but it wasn't to be. So gather round, boys and girls, as we tell you the story of the great romance that never was...
One sunny day, Jess strutted inThe floor was hit by Joshua's chin
Alas, she chose a man six feet wideLittle did he know he was going to get pied
The chemistry worked, she made Josh's heart throbAnd followed it up with a kiss on the gob
She ditched Tony off to stay by her man's side(Let's skim past the fact that she actually lied...)
But then came a temptress who made Josh go weakFor Jessica, things began looking quite bleak
Tension and drama and paranoid chatterJess knew her fella was ready to splat her
And then came bedtime, when Joshua preferredCatching some sleep to snuggling his bird
Naomi nabbed Josh, and Jess lost the raceBut at least she handled her failure with grace
So Josh and Naomi became a new teamAnd Jess let out a bloodcurdling scream
Always the glamour model, never the bridePoor Jessica - how does it feel to be pied?